A Capsule Collection for the Satirical Sartorialist

Every once in a while, Fashion’s gospels will dictate that one must have certain items in one’s armoire: essential capsule pieces worth investing in due to their timeless style and versatility. Undoubtedly, Fashion’s recommendations will drip with impracticality, expense and adjectives. Items of clothing will be oddly and impossibly rendered in singular form (for instance, ‘the perfectly tailored jean’). There will definitely be mention of ‘luxurious knits’, ‘expensive tailoring’, classic trenches, crisp cotton shirts… and oh god I can’t go on because the blandness is suffocating me. These items are the preserve of neat, clean people who eat colourless food and who have the presence of mind to iron. No matter how crisp the cotton shirt and how well-tailored the ‘pant’, if I’m in black and white I look as though I’m about to perform in a school band. So I reject the neutral palettes and practical versatility and offer instead my recommendations for MVP wardrobe items.

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